Like an incessant rivulet of memories

And today

2012-02-16T01:46:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Been reading

2012-02-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

I actually typed a long ranting post but I erased all of them because in the midst of this sleepiness, I actually managed to realize how personal it is.
Heh heh.

14th February

2012-02-14T07:25:00.000-08:00

I don't believe in Valentine's Day. I have never celebrated it and will never do so, regardless if I have a partner or not.
But today...
(no I did not celebrate it today)
I have been watching some nice movies about love on TV (no surprise there), been seeing jokes about being forever alone, been seeing some nice pictures on the internet that reminds me so much of what I once had.
You know, you just can't help feeling that you miss being involved in all those lovey dovey things that once made you smile all the time. Even if it is against your will. Even if you know that a single rewind of those memories can take some time to be forgotten again.
I know, why fight for something that has a very thin chance of happening? Like what they say, there are (insert a number) billion people on this earth, why do you let one person ruin your life? It is easy to say, but it is not easy to do. Sounds cliche but it really is. If you are close to someone who has this sort of problem, you will know. If you ARE experiencing this kind of thing, you will know better, on how much tears are shed and will be shed for basically.. nothing.
Thinking back of all the pain you went through makes you realized how you miss being attached to someone. That feeling of being texted first, that feeling you get when you read a lovely text, that feeling when you were near that person, that feeling of actually being needed by someone, that feeling of happiness when you talk about so many random things with that someone, that feeling of wanting to carry on with the conversation even if you are running out of things to say, that feeling of not wanting to sleep because you would rather talk to that person all night, that feeling of nervousness you get when you are about to meet that person, that feeling of saying out your feelings to someone, that feeling of being cared.. I can go on forever about this but yeah, you can't help but miss all that.
I am not asking for anything here. I am simply talking about what I felt and went through once. And to talk about this whole thing seems to be the only thing I can do, because I have nothing in the form of a solid item to commemorate what we once had.

I only have memories.
You only gave me memories.

Those days.

m

2012-02-13T21:24:00.001-08:00

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=)

2012-02-12T06:25:00.001-08:00

Things are just a tiny bit bumpy right now =)
InsyaAllah things will be fine.
I just need a good fine hug for reassurance and a constant motivation, to remind myself I am not useless.
=)

=)

2012-02-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

260
That's what I got.
:)

Maybe you can see how I am not genuinely happy regarding that. but regardless, I AM THANKFUL.
I admit that it is my fault that what I got is not up to your standards and I can tell how disappointed you are. But it is just not you people. I am upset with it too. Yes, I know that it is too late. Yes, I know that you are upset. Yes, I know that it looks stupid. Yes, it looks very very lowly compared to others and you feel, perhaps, disgusted with that. But please oh please don't forget that I feel that too. I did everything and I am upset too. It is just not you for God's sakes, I am too. I feel it more than you do, Wallahualam. But at least, give me the comfort I seek for. Give me that feeling of appreciation for the work I did for two years. Congratulate me. Help me erase this feeling of not being appreciated, useless, worthless, stupid etc. Personally I think I did better than some people (sorry) and I begged for you people to see it too.

Yes you are not that happy.
And I am sorry.
But remember that I feel the same pain too.

Another day

2012-02-04T05:47:00.000-08:00

I have been seeing the same thing all over twitter for the past few days. Result keluar today lah apa lah but it seems like it will be out for real very soon. Pretty sure it will be next week, just not sure which day. To make things worse, I registered to both my dad's phone and my phone and I still have not got my confirmation text yet D: Thinking back, I screwed up the whole of the most important exam ever. All I am hoping for is a result that is suffice to make my parents happy and make it through higher education centres. Please, InsyaAllah..

Something weird happened. I dreamt of that one person. In that dream, things were far off from reality. We were actually close and although I hate to admit it, I felt some sort of affection towards that person in the dream, which lasted till the moment I had my breakfast. Then it was gone. And I prefer it to be that way. If that dream is to become true, I will not allow such thing to happen. Really, I had enough =)

Yeah, right now, my life is actually pretty good. No more crying because of the individual aforementioned, no more worries, no more bothering, no nothing. Life feels good and I realized how I haven't got this for quite a while. I feel blessed and I am all smiles every single day. JazakhAllah khairan for making me feel this way when I thought I can't do it anymore. I am beginning to feel okay about my surroundings and I feel good about that too.

Jazakh. I miss being this happy.

Pick up line

2012-02-01T22:18:00.000-08:00

"Have you grown shorter?"
"No. Why?"
"Because first, you were on my mind, then you are now in my heart"

AWWWWW haha got it from this filipino movie. so cute

O.O

2012-01-30T23:17:00.000-08:00

Clearly I lack something.

:/

2012-01-25T03:43:00.000-08:00

Truth to be told, I always question myself why the hell would I would want to still do this. And let myself face the same shit everyday. And although I give a big damn about it, I just refrain myself to doing anything I thought will look silly. And let myself be emotionally sick on a daily basis. I don't know why. But I do know that perhaps one day, there will come a day when I just can't take it anymore. Not easy for me but frankly speaking, I don't think you will even give a small fuck about that. PERHAPS. God knows. You see, I am not like you. I don't always get what I want. I am not feeling at my best but then again, there is nothing much I can do other than keeping it to myself. If I tell you, would you even take some initiative to make things better? I don't know if you even have that little bit of guilt within you. I am just an option and I am very aware of that.
Just because I always give in at the end, just because I always surrender, just because you know how I will always feel,
does not mean,
you can just do that.

=)

2012-01-24T23:49:00.001-08:00

I will post something good once I have something in mind which is worth reading

2011

2012-01-18T18:03:00.000-08:00

It's not too late to do this right? After all, it is still January.
2011. A magnificent year. A year of many firsts and a few lasts. Definitely a year I will not forget.
In 2011, I..
Entered my senior year. I sat for my A levels which is really according to my teachers, the hardest exam in my school year. And you know what sucks a lot? I had a continuous mental block during that time. I got fed up of reading and studying because maybe I have reached my limits. Truth to be told, I could have done better in all of the papers if I tried really hard, but despite the prayers and all, I still couldn't find a way to eradicate the mental blocks. Now that I am on the long post-A level holiday, I miss studying so badly. Basically I miss being at school, studying and meeting up with my friends. I could have done better. I could have. But everything happens for a reason right? It is January now and my results are predicted to be out soon. I am just hoping I can make it through and make my parents+myself+another few people proud. And also to show some people who look down on me that I am not THAT stupid.
I dealt with my university things this year and it is not that easy, what with juggling the application with my exams. The deadline for my university application was way earlier than anyone else's, because the course of my choice is medicine. Another friend and I had our uni stuff done ahead of anyone else, so now, while they are busy doing their personal statements etc, I am only left with waiting. I am over the stressful phase but that doesn't make things any easier. I am very nervous about my results ><
This year, I have been a legal driver for a year already and maybe I can say, I have my own ride already. It's not really "my car", it is actually my mother's, but there are times when she referred to that Hyundai Tucson as my car, so I guess it is safe to claim it as my own? =) So yeah, with that, I went out a lot lah, even during exams. I usually go hang out at night and went home quite late, 12 midnight being the latest. It's quite an experience really. One year of being a licensed driver and no serious accidents. Just minor almost-accident moments and self accidents like masuk lungkang rumah urang (because I was checking my phone) and had some people over to help jack my car up :s SHHHH! That's why you should always stay away from your phone while driving. I learnt my lesson d: Lol what an experience.
I got rid of my long hair this year.. By the end of 2011, I cut my hair short after years of keeping my hair long. Sayang? Yeah, but at that time, I really need a change. Having a short hair is a really good feeling. Feels light :) What else? I got my braces this year, two days after my birthday. Two more years to go and I hope my teeth will be straight and nice ^^ I got a new HTC in 2011... I also kena saman for the first time in my life because I parked terlebih masa. I was excited knowing that actually lol. And I played bowling for the first time this year ever since the new bowling centre was opened in Seria. So yeah, I can say driving up to Seria was a bit of a routine already.
Sigh those are just some of it.
Definitely a year of so many firsts. But all of them combined are not that awesome. I am not saying they are bad though! They are incredibly amazing, but there is something else way amazing than all of them combined and that is..
You.
:)

Today

2011-12-29T01:52:00.000-08:00

If you are an avid reader of my blog, if you pay attention even to the minutest detail, you will find something different. I am not telling now. Maybe next post? Who knows.
It's the 29th. This year will end soon. I am planning on making a full long post on the memories of 2011, both here and tumblr, with tumblr being more shorter.. I think. Hope it goes as planned. God willing.
Time flies so fast... Too much happened this year. Really too much. I discovered a side of me I thought I won't have. But let's just leave that to next time I guess?
These few days I have been listening to the songs that I grew up to as a young teenager. That usually involves some heavy metal and gothic rock. I am even listening to a Gothic rock song right now (Seraphic deviltry by Theatre of Tragedy).
I renewed my driving license yesterday. Can't believe I have been a legal driver for a year and a 2 days now. Really lah.
2011, what a year.
Was it this year when I found out my skin allergy? Yeah, it was. Sucks -.-
It was also this year when I cut my hair short after keeping it long for months since 2008.
Okay, will save that for next time.
PS. I am really wondering if there are mortals reading my blog o.o

Oh hello there.

2011-11-30T05:27:00.000-08:00

I finished my A level exam roughly last week (I lost track of the time). The last post was about me being insecure about my BMAT exam. I had the result two days ago. Here is what it is like. The grades are scaled from 1 to 9, with 9 being the highest and 1 being the lowest. The most able students usually obtain the score 5.0, and there are a few exceptional brainiacs who score >5.0. There are three sections in the test; logical thinking, science stuff and essay writing. I got 2.2, 2.9 and 3.5 with english quality scored B respectively. Good enough? I don't know. But I have to say I felt as if I have achieved something good. It's now up to the universities to pick me if they want to...

So A level is over now. I have a long holiday, which I somehow dread it. I don't know, probably it's because I won't .. nevermind. I miss school already. I just feel very uncomfortable about the fact that I am at home and not at school. I miss school. I miss school. I miss lessons. I miss..........................

My days are filled with mainly the internet. It's always tumblr, twitter, facebook and hotmail.
ocean-grown.tumblr.com That's my tumblr. I promised myself to make one after A levels and I made an account on the day I sat for my last paper. Went out day and night (though not everyday) etc etc.

Despite the freedom, I hate holidays.

:\

2011-11-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

Had BMAT yesterday. It was... entah.
Mechanics tomorrow.
Quite nervous because I feel like what I have studied so far isn't suffice.
Truth to be told, I can't get how badly I have done for Stats and BMAT out of my mind just yet.
I kinda need the nutella cucpake from fleur de lis. I tried it for the first time yesterday after the BMAT exam and oh my god... It's :') haha

2011-10-29T20:08:00.001-07:00

I miss and like you the most. :> And it will stay that way until.. God knows when!

Worn out

2011-10-28T04:33:00.000-07:00

Had maths 3 and bio 4 today. Stayed inside the hall and been vigorously writing for roughly 4 hours and it really drained out my energy. I'm so tired now to even think straight, to even move the muscles on my cheek to smile, to even feel nervous about this aptitude test I am to sit in a few days time. Just found out I have to write a 30 minutes essay on some tough things.

=)

2011-10-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

Hello!
It sure feels like I am the only one updating my blog here, but it's okay :)
So... tomorrow is my next A level exam paper, GP 1. Gp 2 was okay la~
Anyway, went out to meet Captain Wong yesterday. He will be flying to UK tonight to make his dream to become a pilot come true. Kinda envious but in a way inspired because he always wanted to be a pilot and now he's gonna be one. Went to KFC then ke rumahnya. Left early because I have tuition.

Ole-ole from the parking woman on my wind shield yesterday.

Kana saman for the first time pasal parking labih masa d:

There's a wave of optimism inside me right now, probably because something nice started off my day. It's all good. :)

This is it

2011-10-09T05:04:00.000-07:00

Starting tomorrow, A level officially commences. My first paper is not tomorrow though. But man, this is the real thing. The reason why I stayed in that school for almost two years is all because of this. I chose to come to that school is because I want to achieve my real dream, all through THIS. Scary thought. Scary but it leaves me calm nonetheless. That's a wrong feeling because again, I should be scared. Sigh. I could just lock away my laptop like what I did during my O level but that is just so impossible because I need to deal with my university application.. during exam time. I can't lock my phone away either obviously.
Sigh sigh sigh.
I miss having normal lessons already, when set 1 is not a PS but actually having a proper biology lesson, not discussing some past year papers. I miss my biology tutor now :( I know I am not the only one. I miss laughing to biology jokes too... Pokoknya I miss my biology tutor lah.
And now it is not just set 1 that I miss, it's everything. I still come to school during exams but it's just for maths and nothing else. Probably to career departments for university application things but obviously that's not a class... okay. But yeah, I seriouslyyyyy miss school now. It feels empty. Staying at home during the mornings when you should be at school studying just doesn't feel right; I've come across this several times during the school exams.
I miss school I miss school I miss schooooool.
My heart sank yesterday in the hall, when some tutors made some speech about A level. "This is it etc etc" brrrrrrrr. Exactly what have I done to prepare for this? I feel like whatever I have done does not suffice at all. It IS not enough. I just need to push myself up again. I need to re-learn the talent to beat sleepiness. But it's kinda hard now that I have to drive every morning :s
I am not ready to leave school behind just yet.... :(

RANT

2011-10-06T04:54:00.000-07:00

Rant. That's what I really want to do now. It's not a crime because this is what my blog is meant for.
A level starts next week but gosh, I feel as if there's no pressure in me. That's WRONG because that's not how it's supposed to be. Last two years, when I sat for my O levels, it was not like this. One month prior to the first paper, I was already like a zombie. Why can't it be like that again? I feel like I've lost my direction and focus all this while, for reasons I have yet to know. I wish I know. But there's one thing I'm sure of; God is telling me something. It feels like.. all this while, I've been repressing everything; I refuse to share what's bothering me and leave everything to myself, and now it has taken an effect to me. Not just me, but people around me, and God knows how I wish that will not happen.
Motivation... I don't know where the hell it is. Again, back to two years ago, motivation was the reason that I kept going, regardless how sleepy, tired, stressed I was. Now? I can't even smell it. God knows how I want to be back on track. To see things positively. I don't know why I just can't do that now.
There. I've said what has been bothering me. If a change will happen after this, I'd be thankful.

Me

2011-10-01T00:36:00.001-07:00

I've been busy, and still am busy, battling studies with my university applications. My first A level paper is in eleven days time. Unbelievable, but that's how it is. The deadline for UCAS is in fourteen days and I haven't updated my PS yet (hoping to get it done tonight). Revise pun.. alum jua abis banar. I don't know lah. Good thing the exam timetable is not that packed. Ater 15 oct pun alum jua tantu inda busy. I need to settle this BMAT exam thing and the application to NZ which I have no idea how. Sigh. I just want to get everything done with. -_-

2011-09-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

Last QE exam paper tomorrow. Then I will know how I've done this exam so damn badly.
These metal benders or cincin as the dentist call it, are about to give me ulcers.
Metal in teeth, can you guess? :)
I'm gonna be hot in 2/2.5 years time. If I am lucky, earlier. If not.. Heh. Lol jk. I've always been hot. Lol jk square!

Wallow

2011-09-01T23:48:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya.
3rd Syawal today. Celebrating raya in Tutong as usual of course. Missing KB and my green blanket ~_~ and friends!
When school reopens on Monday, QE will resume. And this holiday has been and is still educationally unproductive. What sucks is I've been having a mental block for DAYS. During QE.
June AS result has been released some time ago and it was not good for my standard. Parents are unbelievably cool about it.. Too unbelievable.
Till next time!

~

2011-07-28T00:39:00.000-07:00

Been absent here for quite some time, isn't it?
Just had my first qualifying exam paper this morning, the chemistry practical. It was okay lah.
Need to re-learn so many things because I seem to forgot sooo many things, hais.
imyimy

~_~

2011-07-11T03:09:00.000-07:00

Ignorance is a bliss. There are a few things in life that I really should learn to ignore like my paranoia, yes, again.
Qualifying exam just around the corner. Important exam there, companies like BSP will look for potential scholarshop receipients via QE's results. Not that I am interested in BSP. Just telling because.. just because.
Imy

One thing

2011-06-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

One thing I need to learn is to stop worrying unnecessarily. Now.

=)

2011-06-24T07:13:00.000-07:00

Lol your happiness is somewhat contagious. When you texted me happily, I can't help but smile too (: It's good to hear you happy. (:

Thank You for making me calm. If it is not You, I don't know what will I become. I had one of those insecure moments again. And because of Him, I feel calm again. Optimism.. How I miss that feeling. (: Thank You. Alhamdulillah!

:)

2011-06-23T21:07:00.001-07:00

That should suffice. That made me smile already. Not that much but at least it does.

No point

2011-06-21T06:57:00.001-07:00

No point of worrying. I believe in You.

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testinggggg

2011-06-18T00:55:00.001-07:00

Testing joaaa

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=)

2011-06-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

Went to Panaga Clinic today.. and I had a slight infection on the eye. Seems like I am going to have a stye again. I had one before and can't believe I am going to have one (I think) soon and school reopens in just two days time.
Which reminds me that I am not done with my school work.
Isn't it always like this? -_-
Today minus four, another day to remember (: Another day that can make me smile for days!
(:
Oh btw, my new phone will be a week old tomorrow!

Testing!

2011-06-16T03:36:00.001-07:00

Via HTC Wildfire d:

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(:

2011-06-13T18:08:00.001-07:00

You know, it is good to always be honest about something. (:

:')

2011-06-08T02:46:00.001-07:00

I actually took some time to ponder upon life and myself just now. Recently I've been pretty much disturbed about so many things. My mind was basically full of negative thoughts, insecurity and paranoia. Only yesterday (during my bio exam) and just know had I been thinking about myself.
I pondered and pondered, and let a few things of my mind, and unbelievably, I managed to nap in no time! Doesn't that show how my sleepings has been disturbed by my own negative thoughts, that I myself made? I thought back on the teenage angst and unnecessary hatred that has been bothering me all this while, and gosh how wrong I was to think that way, and how stupid I was to even has some bad desire to obliterate some people. All because of some self-imposed anger.
I thought of God, my Creator, and remind myself about Him. I felt closer to Him. When I woke up from my short nap, I felt incredibly light, fresh, new, evolved. I felt thankful. I feel like what has been blinding me from all positivity has been removed. I am very very to the power of infinity thankful.
And now I feel like having a good walk by the beach, and smile all the way (:
I am thankful to Him, for letting me see the good side of life again. Thank You (':

And to that certain someone... Imyyyyy! (:

:)

2011-06-05T03:43:00.001-07:00

Got my results. Turns out the marks placed are the pure marks without deductions. I got top 1 for GP (which means I got the highest d: among all other Pre U2s d: ), top 5 for Biology and top 10 for chem. Alhamdulillah, I feel blessed indeed!

I miss someone.

d:

2011-06-02T22:25:00.000-07:00

Funny thing happened last night. Funny+BAD that I made my parents angry, but I find it funny. So I am officially apologizing to my parents via my blog :
Mami and didi, sorry d:

I am not telling what happened but it has something to do with driving. Got threatened by my mum about it and now I don't feel like driving due to the minute phobia of what just happened. But when I think of what happened, there is always that need to laugh it off and the guilt. d:

It's June already! 3rd June to be exact!
Which means tomorrow is 4th June which means it's Report book day! I'm nervous. I don't know my final marks after the deduction of several marks from my actual marks :x

One more paper left for AS exam. Lemme ace thisssss!

(:

2011-05-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

I can't help but like you more each day.

Weeeeeeeeeeee~~

=)

2011-05-21T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today minus two.
A day to remember, that's for sure =)

(:

2011-05-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

At the core of my AS examination. A bit stressed, pimples here and there, but.. Haih.
Obviously I am distracted from studying. So far the papers are.. I don't know. Guess.
I am just here because I have so much in mind, so many things I wish to say but there's a chance I might not say them at all. I know, then what's the point of having a blog?
Because this is not my diary. My diary is a little book inside my drawer, my heart and God.

My paranoia.. It's back but fortunately not as crazy as it was last year. This one is bearable. But there is one thing that is not bearable. If you observe and analyse me well enough, you will know. But maybe you will not.

Lately I've been having self-imposed angst and hatred, if that is even possible. I made up scenes in my mind.
I am a normal teenager with raging hormones, I guess that's pretty normal.
I was unbelievably emo and angry last night, only this morning I realized why. It's the monthly female thing. How come I have not realized that earlier?

Oh how I wish I can say everything, but no (:
I miss someone.

:/

2011-05-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

Doubts.
Unnecessary doubts about uncertain things.
I feel stupid.

Day

2011-05-01T03:46:00.000-07:00

Spent some quality time with my family today. It has been a while.
We had a surprise lunch at the beach occasion. So off we went to the beach for lunch and it was nice. Sat and relaxed near the beach after lunch. It was nicer. Saw tankers and oil platforms. I love seeing them especially at night when you see nothing at the sea except lights from the platforms.

It's May already.
9 more days until my first AS exam paper.
7 more days until the deadline of my Biology assignment.
2 more days until my Preliminary exam's maths P4 paper.
Not much time left and yet I ignore that fact. I'm doomed.

Can't wait until exams are over. I want my normal life back ): I hate staying at home during school days.

HUH

2011-04-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

Exam season.
Maths P3 yesterday and Toronto Biology Competition tomorrow.
I was very disappointed with myself yesterday. I didn't try my best, my brain was not working at it's full potential yesterday. I wasn't the only one.
Maybe because the exam is in the afternoon, I don't know.

No exam today, which is why I am updating this in the morning.
It feels weird to be at home during school hours. Sometimes, it's too boring because there's simply nothing to do and no one to see... (:

I spent that 4 days of no exam like exams are totally over. Went out to RMS with the soon-to-be-belayar-balik-to-uk girl yang masa ani sudah balik ke uk and other girlfriends. Then isuknya jalan ge. Miss those days haha

Still disappointed about yesterday.
But got happy masa malam.
(:

Hah

2011-04-13T02:37:00.000-07:00

Whew.

So many things happened.

Test marks were not really satusfying. InsyaAllah will do better.

Exams are just around the corner. Preliminary exam starts next week and AS exams following that.

Days are all hectic especially when my retirement comes near. Yes.. I am retiring tomorrow. Retire from being an Assistant Head MPP. So starting tomorrow onwards.. I will be just like any normal student, badge-less.

Okay, I will save it for tomorrow or next time.

Signed up for fencing club but I have no time to attend. Maybe next term, I don't know ~_~ Jealous jua ku tu ah meliat urang tweet on how siuk it is.....

And I feel so lazy nowadays. Feels like going to sleep a lot. Like right now.

Met up with my best friend Nafeesah who just came from UK! Went out with the rest of my girlfriends. Drove to town for the first time that night. Went to Marilyn and then to Moi Nam. Planned to go to Villa Mouri for dessert and toilet but it was closed. Drove to TEZ Amore but it was close also. In the end, we went to Moi Nam and it wasn't as fun as I thought. Drove in the middle of the road after sending Eny home! Kira staie la tu... Mihiw but it was fun :p Naf was excited to enter my car because she never see me drive before :p

Learnt many new words in Biology class. It's sometimes useful to curse someone. Imagine if you curse someone and only Biology students yang tau.... Sak li ko ehhh~~

:)

2011-03-30T00:12:00.000-07:00

Survived first dat of school but not the second. I was sleepy the whole time (had a hard time sleeping the night before) and the fact that I began to feel awake and alert when class nearly ended is stupid enough. Result of the incident : Kepayahan buat homework. Started Core P (Evolution) fro Biology in school. It is SO interesting. Seriously :') Despite the controversy of that topic across the world. But hell, it is interesting. Lately, I've been quite disappointed with myself. About so many things. I don't know. Really.

2011-03-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

My days are slowly turning back to normal, Alhamdulillah, just like the days during normal school days.
Still insecure about my current skin condition. I went to the Panaga Health Centre recently to FINALLY get my skin checked. Turns out I got dermatitis. Don't worry, don't panic. It's just an inflammation on the skin~ Nothing flu-like. There are red marks on my face now. What sucks is they are so prominent and what's amazing is that I can hide them a little just by smiling. Anyway, I got it because something that I have been using recently has irritated my skin and tada~ Jadi bida tah pulang. I got three medications from Panaga ; a facewasher, a face cream and a paraffin gel. Hope to get a better skin :'( Amin.
I got tagged this thing from Facebook and I am doing it here. Whoever that wants to do this, you are welcomed~ :)

THREE WAYS I AM STILL A CHILD:
1. I still like watching cartoons that I used to watch as a kid. Like Tom and Jerry
2. I still enjoy main kompeng. Though I am slow at it.
3. *can't think of any*

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. I am already thinking about marriage, careers etc. But that doesn't mean I want to kawin awal k~ Masih muda ni~ Kan belajar ku masih~ K Jangan salah paham~
2. I'm getting closer to University.
3. I am already driving.

THREE BIG THINGS I WANT TO DO IN LIFE:
1. Medicine, InsyaAllah ♥
2. Naik haji.
3. Travel around the world. With someone :)

THREE THINGS THAT ARE PART OF MY DREAMS:
1. Medici mediciiiiiii ♥♥ InyaAllah!!
2. To have a mini library in my future house.
3. To wear scrubs ♥

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Learn knitting
2. Learn how to cook like isteri mithali yoseehhhh!!
3. Medicine in Uni InsyaAllah ♥

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I love and appreciate old classical films and music. Like Horror of Dracula, Beethove, Frank Sinatra, etc~
2. My sepet eyes. Vain? Yes. :p But I love it :p
3. I like to learn new things, but not physics :p And linguistics. Except some.

THREE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT FROM OTHERS:
1. Unlike my friends, I don't know how to play with kids. I feel a bit awkward around them. I'm okay with some though :)
2. I find the word "foods" and "stuffs" weird. I don't know. It's just weird.
3. I keep my opinion to myself, most of the time.

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. A very excellent big spender.
2. Inda mau kalah.
3. My skin! :(

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Tutong
2. A bit of KK? My grandmother's mother was from KK.
3. A bit of Melayu Brunei.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Allah.. :)
2. I am not telling the animal that I hate.
3. Losing. Be it losing someone special, losing a game, losing in a competition.. I just don't like losing :(

THREE ELEMENTS OF NATURE THAT YOU LOVE:
1. Water
2. Earth
3. Wind

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music
2. My phone
3. Any reading materials.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
1. Saving money. I just can't.
2. Stop being lazy :(
3. Hiding my laptop away.

THREE, THAT YOU CAN'T TOLERATE IN LIFE:
1. Cheaters
2. People who are cruel towards cats.
3. Pembual haha

THREE THINGS THAT YOU CAN'T AVOID IN LIFE:
1. Losing.
2. Heart breaking things.
3. Being scolded for no reason.

P.S No menyindir whatsoever. :)

^^

2011-03-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I am left with six days before school reopens. And that means, I will be sitting for examSSSS pretty soon. And I haven't started revising, diewww~ :s

I have sooo many thoughts in my mind.
Especially on love. Which shouldn't happen because I should be focusing 100^infinity percent on my studies now. But then some things can't be helped. Yes, I am already over that person yang I always see in school and I am not thinking about him lagi. It's just the other things.
Like...
Will I be a good partner for my future lover? And I hope that, that future lover will be my future husband. The thought of meeting the right one makes me happy you know!! :3 And the thought of sharing lives with the person excites me more wawawa~~ I mean.. I can say I am the private kind of person, reserved etc, and I wonder what it feels like to actually share my life, with that lifestyle, with that particular person.

I don't know, the thought just keeps on coming into my mind so why not talk about it here?

I hope I don't sound like I am in love. Because I am not in love. I think I am far away from falling in love.
But who knows~~

Anyway, I finally went shopping yesterday and bought three pashminas yeayerzzz! And bought some other things to the point where I am on the verge of being broke. From 72 dollars to a few keping of one dollar notes.

Budgeting.. Something I doubt I will ever be good at.
Because shopping lagi best than budgeting :3

Some people say I look like my mum. I never see it but today, I actually do.. Huehue.

:)

2011-03-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

Happy holidays!
Hmm.. This holiday is not like a holiday at all.. Not that I expect to get a nice super relaxing holiday in Pre U2 anyways~~
This one holiday is really testing my time management, because I have a chemistry project, a GP assignment, extra classes and revisions for exams to be done. All in ten days time. Can or cannot tu?
InsyaAllah, can~ :3

Making an awesome progress in forgetting someone. I feel like it's pH 7 around him~~ Ok, that's lame... :p

:)

2011-03-15T02:21:00.000-07:00

Holidays coming soon! :)
After cuti, exam awal tahun.
After exam awal tahun, AS exams.
After AS exams, ada banyak exams lagi.

I failed my P3. What a shame.. Such an easy paper and yet I failed. I blame myself for not working hard enough and for allowing myself to have too much free times.

Everyone's working hard it seems. Me? Macam nada. I should change. I willlll! :)

P.S Making a good progress in forgetting someone in school.

ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS OF

2011-03-10T23:01:00.000-08:00

Lol what was I thinking last night?
*deletes*
Hahahahhahahahahaha~ <- Nervous laughter to buang kes.

Sak li.. wait for it... KAU EH!
Majal huehuehue.
Truth is, I don't want to even give a shit anymore.
"Eyes are blinded by shit, ears are full of shit~~~~"
Haha true that.

-

2011-03-09T02:29:00.000-08:00

Dear self.
Do ponder.
Why do you have to study so hard? Who are you doing this for?
Why... To get what I want.
Who... For God, my parents, my self, the country.... and... W-ev.

:)

2011-03-07T00:28:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am full of anger. Angry towards something I should not even bother being mad at.

You should leave my mind and heart.

SMSA ORIENTATION...!!!!!!!

2011-03-05T19:11:00.000-08:00

NOOOO NOT YET! Huehue.
Yesterday, when in the car, I looked up into the sky and saw three birds on a wire. Very unusual. Either all three of them are best friends or one of them is disturbing the other two having fun dating. Or the two male birds are in love with the same female bird. Okay.. Reason number 2 and 3 is pretty much the same.. :p

Love~ A powerful confusing feeling.

I feel like I am far from that "special" feeling now. I feel like not caring about it at all but I can't help thinking about it.. And about that one particular person. Owells, I should move on man. Seriously, I should. But why do I still think of you, WAEEE?!!! :S

Back to the happier side of life!!
Watched a black and white classic film this morning. Certainly made my day and the movie is under WARNER BROS!! (Hint : Orientation).
Aaah.. Now that orientation is over, I can catch up with my studies and friends. Friends... I love them a lot. They make me forget about you somehow, even if it is just for a short while. They always always always make me laugh :') To my friends, whoever you are, saranghae! *does the saranghae movement yang tangan ke kepala*

OOh which reminds me of what my friend Qibah said..
SCENE : In bio class, flipping through the thick Rowland textbook.
Me : *came to the topic called "... and the Continuity of life"*
Qibah : *repeats after title* and said "sekalinya lain kan, pasal how to be immortal"

And that is just one of the funny things she said. Huehueheueheu

Ahhh.. I got a polaroid picture during orientation. I want a polaroid please... KAY THANKS BAI. Kindly place it in front of my house door or give it to me personally. :3 HEHEHE

SMSA ORIENTATION...!!!!

2011-03-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

Wait, not now.

I need some time to relax and pay my sleep debts.

Sigh..
I am already tired of waiting la. I don't think you will appear back.
Not even like the homozygous recessive genotype that at least has a chance of re-appearing, even if it is just of the ration 3 : 1.
(Awu, majal. Aku baru belajar core O which is Inheritance wah di sekulah)

On the verge of giving up.
Giving up already.
Maybe not.
ENTAH EH.
Sangal ku sudah.

Update on orientation next time k thanks bai.

23rd February 2011

2011-02-23T23:31:00.001-08:00

After a few days of external and internal marching practices, we finally marched for real yesterday in front of the Sultan. It was AWESOME! Hearing the "kri knan kri knan" chant coming from different institutions all merging together at some point was so great! My friend said, macam kan perang saja.. Well, gotta agree with her but man, it was awesome! Indeed, I felt and still feel patriotic! I feel so lucky and fortunate to be born here, and live here. I love my country. Happy independence day Brunei :)

Came back to school today and resume my lessons. I am indeed, tanned, grilled, like charcoal and whatever it may be~ Malu mau face urang especially that one person :s But he saw my grilled face anyway. I like today. I feel POSITIVE! Go Liyana! =)

By the way, this is THE White Coat that I tweeted about a lot. You can find his link at the right side of my blog. I find him attractive and cute :s Sorry for stealing your photo and post it on my blog :p

Hmmm

2011-02-19T19:09:00.000-08:00

I miss the old times, when motivation is always there. I miss how I was in 2009.

:(

2011-02-16T02:59:00.001-08:00

Take my back to the time when motivation was always there..And the willingness to study was simply incessant..
Give it to me.
I am hardly motivated nowadays.
There was that one day which was supposably (heard this word in Ghost Whisperer and I thought, why not use it? xp ) BAD but it turns out well because I was motivated by someone. Someone said something very nice that I can't stop smiling. Diao.

Huhuhuh =(
Wo xiang ni =(

~_~

2011-02-15T07:12:00.001-08:00

Sleeping late. I swear my eyebags are quite prominent nao.
Went for marching practice yesterday. Twas awesome! I feel like a soulja~ But my God, the HEAT! I hope I will not be extremely tanned~
Ahh back to Biology. Banarnya saya boring~

:/

2011-02-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

Foolish enough to make my feelings quite prominent? Maybe.
Maybe I will regret at the end.
Maybe you won't care.
But God knows that I am not lying about my feelings.. if you see it.

Damn so emo :(

Smileeee!

2011-02-12T19:37:00.001-08:00

I don't want to be sad just yet.
Being sad is bad~~

=)

=(

2011-02-12T05:23:00.000-08:00

DIAO!

Fuck lah. My phone is not responsive >:( I was washing the dishes, and with WET HANDS, I touched my TOUCHSCREEN phone to disconnect the Wi-Fi connection on my phone. Come to think of it, why was I so dumb to do such thing? And now my phone is not responsive. What ticks me off is, of course, the fact that I cannot use it in case of emergency (sudah atu) and my dad's reaction towards it being rosak.

Why was I so fucking.. Sigh :( To make things worse, my phone is not under warranty anymore so bye-bye free repair =( I am also very much worried about the fact that my phone might be reformated (maybe, I don't know) because there are some useful text messages in it. No, nothing lovey dovey, just some result text messages and some cute birthday greetings. Other than that, I am not really concerned. And I hate the fact that I can't tweet that much =(

The average life span of my previous phones are more or less one or two years, and I am very much not surprised if this sexy LG GT 505 will experience the same thing =( If my phone is premanently damaged, I might not buy a touchscreen phone anymore. Gila, whatever phones I have memang rusak jua in one freaking year. So I'll leave my phone switched off for tonight and see if it helps in whatever way it may be. Bukannya ada urang kan message pun~

School will be tough from now on. This month will be filled with marching practices in school and outside school for the National Day Celebration this month. Next month will be the orientation and whatever duties that deals with the entrance of the Pre U1's. And following that will be the usual endless homework and tests and exams before the real big thing.

And yet I am here. Ranting about my phone. But hey, I need my phone okay.

Despite the stressful events of today and several days back, I can't really stop smiling. Something makes me happy =) I hope you know. Kekkeke.

:( / :)

2011-02-08T01:43:00.000-08:00

I feel so.... I don't know.
Wait, I will keep this to myself.
Until I can't stand it anymore.

Hmmmm

2011-02-06T03:13:00.000-08:00

These few days, I've been all smiley and happy. In school, at home, everywhere. Being happy is great. Really. I should always stay that way.. =) If only what makes me happy will carry on making me happy.. If only =)

Something I heard during OBBD:

"YOU READY?"

"READYYYY?!"

"I'M FALLINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

Yes, I am falling.. Harder and harder, it seems. =)

You do know that, don't you? I think you do.

Anyway, all my happiness was gone hopefully not permanently. I got my AS result last night, and it was a huge disappointment, I tell you. Disappointing to me at least. I need the thickest spagetti in the whole world so I can hang myself safely :( Fettucini? =(

Or some fat tauhu so I can slap myself safely too...

I thought I lost my wallet.. Because my money for June AS is inside it. My wallet is too precious :'( Without my wallet, I will:-

-Be getting no discounts in my favourite shops

-Broke than ever

-Jadi pendatang haram because my IC is inside

But Alhamdulillah, I found it on the freaking table beneath my piling files and papers. Like my mum said : Inda ku paham kau ani, mija basar pun masih berjurit.

Yes, my table is forever samak!

=)

2011-02-04T04:17:00.000-08:00

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you....

AGAIIIINNNNNN =)
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN =)
See you in class? =)

February

2011-02-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

February started quite well.
Laughed with friends a lot =) I also somehow managed to control myself from accidentally falling asleep in a class. I told my friend to pinch me whenever I feel like falling asleep. I got pinched so hard that my right arm is a bit panat now :s

I should really start taking things seriously.

=)

2011-01-28T23:18:00.000-08:00

Falling in love.. at a coffee shop? =)
Frankly speaking, I've pictured myself falling in love that way several times since I don't know when.
If fate decides that that is how I will fall in love, then.. I don't mind. =)
And if I am lucky enough, it will be with someone as cute as Landon.

Coffee together? Hee~ :p

Boohooohooo

2011-01-26T17:14:00.000-08:00

I should be in school right now... But I am not. Because I am not feeling well, boo :(
God knows how I hate missing classes, especially maths, because once you miss a class, you will be drowning~ It's kind of difficult to catch up.

There was a Study in UK exhibition in my school yesterday. It was good! No more doubts about many things :) But it is surprising how not many universities there offered the course that I wish to take. If ada pun, requirements are very high.. :( But at least that will make me study hard.. I hope.

Anyway, the representative from the King's College of London is cute :x Hhehehe. Some of my friends agree with me too :D He reminds me so much of White Coat.

I took a hell lot of prospectuses from the exhibition and there are quite a number of photos of good looking guys :p Hehhehehehehehe

Man.. I don't like missing classes :( And I have so many pending school work to be done T_T

Another new week

2011-01-25T01:49:00.000-08:00

I watched the malay movie Khurafat last Sunday. The title says it all~ It's basically about black magic and many paranormal things. I have to say, that is the scariest malay movie I have watched so far. Very very scary lah! The hantu looks like any other hantus in any other Malaysian ghost movies. It is how the ghosts appeared and attacked that makes the movie scary. Also, there are some very daring scenes too.
*spoiler*
There is this one scene when the actress berlakun kana mandikan after she passed away.. And the other actor berlakon ia kana kapankan and masuk ke liang lahad.
Damn, that is SO freaking daring.
Syamsul Yusof looks good looking in the movie too :3
I watched the trailer of another Malay movie.. It's called HAQ. I find it ridiculous because there is a scene on bed in the movie.. :s

I've been sleeping late a lot.. And suffered the next day. This afternoon, I nearly fell asleep in my class and my tutor saw me.
~_~
There's nothing else I can say~ Eh eh~ Eh eh~

..

2011-01-20T00:22:00.000-08:00

Somehow.. I just want to run away from everything. Go away to somewhere and start anew. Being alone is scary, not fun, but sometimes, that is just what someone needs so badly. And I am one of them.
I have so many things in mind to worry about. But there is one thing that just worries me so much.
Can I do it? Will I do it? If other people can believe in me, that I can do it, then why can't I think the same way? I should be able to do that, right? Right?
I feel like going back to 2010, when optimism and motivation just drained out of my soul.
So many things to worry about..
God knows, how I want to talk about my probles, but I just feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to.
I have my friends, of course. I talk to them, my trusted circle of friends. I feel absolutely blessed to have them, for I feel happy when I am around them. Not only happy, but optimistic, something I really wish to feel now.
But other than school, I feel empty. I want to talk about my doubts to someone, but I just don't have anyone to talk to. My parents.. I can't talk to them. I just can't.
When I can't bear it, I write down my problems on my diary. But frankly speaking, it doesn't suffice. I just want to talk, that's all.

And

2011-01-18T00:46:00.000-08:00

The GP debate is over.
But...
My Maths homework is not done yet.
My Chemistry homework is not done yet.
My Biology homework is not done yet.
But I will do them soon.
But..
My school exams are not here yet.
My June AS exams are not here yet.
My November AS exam results are not here yet.
My A level exams are not here yet.
All to be done this year.

2011 is definitely not a honeymoon year.. But frankly speaking, I've been wasting my time a lot. Me and my great procrastinating skills, pfft~
Form six is not like form five.. Different circles of friends and more new people participating the "healthy" competitions in classes..
Some things should be avoided for the sake of school. But I'd like to keep some things to "distract" me please. Like... Haha =)

Sometimes.. When I watch a movie scene where the main actor/actress walks in a crowded places, I tend to look at the crowd instead of the main star. I will wonder what each person's lives will be like..
"Every person is a new door to a different world"
Every "door" should be interesting. Every "door" should has it's own life story. If I can read their stories, I would. Not as a penyibuk though :P Just.. interested. In a way, it would feel like reading "The History of Love" Loveeee that book, loveeeeeeeee that book! It's with my friend who is currently in UK. I am not sure if the book ikut belayar with her or not. If it does.. Lucky book -_-

Now listening to Postcards from Italy by Beirut.
I have a bad habit of following the main singer's voice when singing any songs from Beirut :P

Ichigo~

2011-01-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

Went to Excapade yesterday with my chingus (chingu = friend). I owned the car :) I drove to Excapade and from Excapade to home. But can't really say I drove alone eventhough it was just me in the car. Nothing so paranormal though :p My dad escorted me at the back! Haha he wants to see the way I drive I think. :p But I had fun last night!
And this morning, I joined the Larian Belia for Belait branch. I walked most of the time though.. alone. :)

Blegh, I think I am going to be sick tomorrow.

Our lucky draw numbers!

Some of the participating SMSA boys that I've been hanging out with today

Yu Hong, Benny and Xin at Excapade~

-_-

Wee~

2011-01-13T00:07:00.000-08:00

No electricity for nearly the whole day yesterday. KB was basically in darkness :s But electricity came back approximately 27 minutes to midnight :) I got a "House of Wax" moment for a few seconds because hot hot hot molten wax kena my kaki T_T But it's kind of cool, really :p

Amount of questions for maths homework increases significantly in U2..... I am okay with that though. Enjoying maths so far. =) But wait till I come to statistics etc.. I never liked that topic :s InsyaAllah, I can go through school =)

Wizard to opponent : *casting a spell* ARTHEROSCLEROSIS!!!!!!!!
Opponent : *dies of heart attack*

Mehehehhee, yes, that is from my friend. I have a bad sense of humour so.. yeah.. I can never think of such jokes.. I think.

There's a mathematical joke too, told by my maths tutor..
There is this one man.. He is not afraid of people differentiating him because.. He is the exponential function. Hahahhahahaha!
Pasal~ y=e to the power of x will remain the same even if kena differentiate beribu kali. Errr ok.

Anyway.. I just did a mental age test online and I got.. 31? Hahah! That's like the Twitter game that I took ages ago leh!!!! But for the Twitter game, I got 34~

:)

2011-01-09T01:44:00.000-08:00

I like penguins. They are so so so so very*10^infinity cute and they have such an adorable way of walking, but the best thing is they stay with their partner throughout their lives. A male penguin is able to recognize his wifey among all those penguins. Amazing~ All of them look exactly the same and yet..
Sigh..

I haven't found my own version of penguin..
Yet.

Otters are cute too. They hold each other's hands when sleeping so they won't be separated when floating on the water. ^^ Eeee~

Envious towards some animals? -_-

Cats are cute but they make love randomly with random cats T_T Incest! Haha!

Owell. Unproductive Sunday, I daresay.

Aiaa

2011-01-08T05:45:00.000-08:00

I really want to go shopping! Love love love shopping. Who doesn't?
If only money grow on trees.
Like what I found on Tumblr, "Of course they do, they are made of paper"
Bahaha~

Something my friend tweeted some time ago, "Ada part 2 rupanya Love the way you lie ani! Suka banar si Rihanna ani kana tipu"
Hahhaha!

Ok done rambling.

:p

2011-01-06T17:18:00.000-08:00

Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Laughing at my own stupidity.
I think I took things too seriously.. Again.
Shouldn't have cared about you right from the beginning. I know I shouldn't.
I got hopeful again, haaiss~

See you around in sch, mate.

Phewww

2011-01-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

ACCIDENTALLY fell asleep in class yesterday. D:
I even had a really short dream, which I forgot.

What I wrote masa mengantuk.

That's not my real handwriting. I can say I have a wide range of tulisan doctor and I can consider that the handwriting shown is the ugliest tulisan doctor I can do.

The line above "Ans : 405 degrees" is when I tertumbang ke siring because I fell asleep. But good thing inda sampai tergugur dari kerusi. Hahahaha damn! First time tu yo.. First time terbuat cematu arah notes T_T

Prolly mengantuk because I stayed up late to watch my favourite Cantonese drama.. But I stayed up late last night and today inda mengantuk pun..

Bahahahahahahhahahha

2011-01-02T22:15:00.000-08:00

Childish. I sound so childish back then.. *referring to old posts* My actions were childish too. I am childish, there's no denying about that.
Lived for 18 years. Observed many things. Pondered on many things. Kept quiet about so many things.
But still.. Childish T_T
I hope this new year means I will be more mature than ever, and carry on for the rest of my life. Should that be my new year's resolution? I don't make new year's resolution. =)

18 years old.. More years to go, InsyaAllah!

Random

2011-01-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

My right jaw doesn't feel that nice. I know a wisdom tooth is coming out.. I have four wisdom teeth growing, as what my dentist told me but the pain is not 24/7 and thankfully not that bad. Just some uncomfortable feeling that I can handle.

Sunday means.. shower day for my cats. My cats.. they are all quite funny. A lot of them have their own individual characteristics that make themselves lain from each other. Ada yang mua nya macam kuda.. Seriously.. Ada yang mesti di gusuk leher malam malam.. Ada yang berjalan belinggang.. Ada yang muanya macam mua kesian.. Ada yang bising like fuck and very merijap sudahnya gian.. Ada yang suka berdiri next to the dryer punya window and look at the clothes being rotated inside.. Ada yang suaranya macam bird.. Haha interesting.

Sigh..
I feel some sort of solitude right now. Even if it is noisy, I still feel the loneliness. It is always like this when it comes to dusk. Hmm...

School tomorrow. Excited to meet friends and some subjects. But not that excited also. Oh well, just go with the flow. I will be a senior starting from tomorrow. Senior yang level nya paling senior sekali in school. :3 I will be in Pre U2 science 1! And I have already aimed one table at one PS area to conquer.. Better do so before the juniors datang. Hehee~

Suddenly involved in this number + opinion on status game on Facebook. I hated it actually because it's annoying and my inbox got invaded. I was just inboxing some people just so I know what they think of me.. For fun.. And then they ask for some reply.. So I did and then ramai inbox me tarus. I give up lo. I annoy some people's news feed. I APOLOGIZE. Not my intention at all. Kana lure bah to join in. Ahaa~ But somehow it is nice to see what people think of me. Ada yang I don't expect at all.. Haha

Dusk > Dawn.

Something that Qibah told me

2011-01-01T03:31:00.000-08:00

She said she found this on Tumblr. I type in rojak language lah.. It's supposed to be in English though.

Mum : Eh lawa jua suara urang ani
Child : It's Justin Bieber
Mum : Lain lain jua urang masa ani eh.. Bini bini pun kan nama Justin.

LOL! It was during Bio lesson and I was trying to refrain myself from laughing.. I think I am easily amused. Yes I am~

First day of 2011 spent by updating the 2010 post + loitering on the internet.
Boring...

Haisss
I am confused about my own feelings. Just when I want to forget something, that something will appear again.. Apa ni..

2010

2010-12-31T16:59:00.000-08:00

Like afforementioned, 2010 has been a HELL of a year! Definitely a year of so many firsts and lasts.
So.. 2010.

I got my O level result this year and it was cantik~ 7A's and 2B's but somehow not that cantik enough for DANA scholarship because of my Malay T_T But it's okay. I have accepted the fact already and I know really well that Allah is saving something much*10^infinity better for me, InsyaAllah :)

I entered my new school, SMSA. It was like a brand new start to me somehow. New environment, new teachers, new friends, new uniform, different circle of friends etc. I made LOADS of new friends and nearly all of them are all so nice ♥ I also started to learn Mandarin from my Chinese friends slowly since I entered SMSA. I am still learning ;) Jia You! My Chinese friends are all SO SUPER MEGA friendly that I feel thankful I am friends with them. Xie xie ni for being so nice to me ♥

I turned 18 this year~ :) The age that everybody wants! Hehehe~ My 18th birthday was on the first day of school. My 18th birthday was not that grand. No party whatsoever and I didn't even go out with friends. Instead, I spent my night doing my homework. :) I don't mind AT ALL, seriously. School night kaliah -_-

Because of my age, I get to drive already. I used a manual car for the first time and.. It is half okay half inda. It's kinda fun though, but I hate the fact that I always mati engine pasal my left foot is too excited to release the clutch. Alhamdulillah, I went through that, I passed the test and auto is mine~ I wish not to see my driving instrutor again T_T There are reasonS for that but I'll keep it to myself :p

I had 3 new piercings this year. One of them is completely gone because of the terkuyak incident:p One of them is almost tertutup and the other one is still fine. I feel like piercing my left ear. Damn.. Inda pandai jara :X

I ditched one huge party this year for the sake of homework. I didn't regret it actually.. My close friends attended them and enjoyed themselves but I stayed home and did maths. I didn't feel like going either, haha. I also attended a party with alcohol for the first time. It was Jasper's and Annie's birthday party~ I didn't drink, of course. I sat next to the alcohol table but I didn't touch the bottles. I find my friends that drink very funny when they got high, haha. I didn't get the chance to see them drunk because I left the party early. Made new friends too, hehe~ This sounds stupid but I tried smoking for the first time this year. I do not and will not smoke. Thinking back about this makes me feel embarassed somehow (>.<) Ngam masa atu my friends were smoking so I'd like to try what it was like. I inhaled several times because I did it wrongly but when I did it correctly, I coughed like fuck! When I got home, I had this mini sore throat and headache because of the cigarette. Gosh, never will I try and touch it again! Damn, my curiosity is dangerous. No worries, I will never ever ever ever ever ever touch a cigarette and try alcohol ever! Blergh!

And no, I am not the wild type :)

I went to Temburong and had my first camp for the first time this year! And through that camp, I experienced flying fox, jungle trekking and sleeping in the jungle for the first time! Amazing! I miss OBBD so much. I've become closer to some friends because of the camp. Miss OBBD ♥ despite the fact that I had some bad itching on my hands because of some mosquito bites. Erkksss.

Went to Maktab Science for the first time for the Rediscovery Brunei thing. Love it although I was just a volunteer. At least I got a free T-shirt :3

I used a locker for the first time too :3 Ahh speaking of locker, there were several funny incidents about it. Once, I opened a locker and saw a lizard.. And I accidentally stepped on it. Fuck, that was disgusting. Because of that, I put ubat gagat inside my locker, hoping that it will repel unwanted animals away. It did but once, I didn't see the penophthalene terkeluar from my locker and I accidentally stepped on it! The smell was SO strong that some guy coughed. There were so many seniors around. God knows how I wanted to run away, haha. Cemana jua, my locker site was easily seen and remembered by people. A friend of mine who is a senior even tweeted that he saw me accidentally stepped on a "pink candy" T_T It's not pink candy! Hahah! And the next incident is the one that I like the most. Definitely an incident that I will never forget, haha! Someone placed a love letter in my locker.. But it was a prank :p The letter was placed inside because I forgot to close my locker door.. I was somehow so occupied that time sampai lupa cabut kunci locker.. Heck, I even forgot to close it -_- But it was a prank. Haha. I know who that person is too by the way :p

Witnessed a rat dissection for the first time! That's the best Biology lesson so far! LOVE IT! If we can do it individually, it would be more interesting :p But nonetheless, I am thankful for that and I love the lesson. Hahhaahhaa love it love it love it sooo mucho~ :3

As for myself..

I do change, a bit. I discovered that I get paranoid very easily this year. Stupid feeling. I am still short tempered but I somehow managed to control it now unlike last two years. Thankful for the change =)

Love..

Haa, I am ending 2010 so-lo~ Being single is okay okay lah, but there are times when you just feel lonely... And you go "Awww" at couples at TV and wishing that it was you and someone else. Haha I've gone through that balik balik. Sangal kaliah.. But it's okay. I always keep in mind that my time will come, InsyaAllah.. And will be cute-er than the ones I see in TV kekeke :p So many things I want to type about love but.. I'll just leave it in my head... Unless I change my mind? :)

So now is 2011..

No new year's resolution. I never had one anyway =)

:)

2010-12-31T08:36:00.000-08:00

2010 has been a hell of a year.
Let me update a super long post about 2010 soon..
Right now I have a headache and I don't think I can think straight.
Happy new year!

-_-

2010-12-29T20:38:00.000-08:00

Hello
Last post so emo! -_- I feel weird reading it now.. But I don't feel like deleting also. Just bury it with loads of new posts lah.

Good afternoon~
My favourite blog on Tumblr made a Twitter account! So excited :D
www.twitter.com/compoundfractur
And the tumblr account is
http://white-coat.tumblr.com

The tumblr is medical related. So cool~ :D

Going to Bandar later. I am not sure whether I will drive but my dad did mention that tomorrow, ia suruh drive from KB to Jerudong. Wtf.. I am half nervous half excited. That means.. I can't really angan angan in the car anymore. Shizz~

Sigh~~

2010-12-28T18:57:00.000-08:00

I wonder why the thought of love has been attacking my mind a lot lately. A bit disturbing, yet exciting. I might be a bit too young for this matter, and this might be a bit too unnecessary at this stage of life, but hey.. You can never know.

I have nothing much to do in this matter.. I only have to wait for the right one to come. The thought of the Mr. Right is exciting. I wonder how he will be like.. And he will spend the rest of his life with me. Whether we are very much alike or there will be a huge chasm between us.. That's just so nice to think about. And how we manage our future family.. Okay.. Too far X)

But yeah..
I will just wait and wait.
No matter how many times I fail.. No matter how hard I fall... The right one is still on his way, bringing massive amount of happiness with him for me. He's coming closer every each day.. One day, he will show himself. One day.. =)

He might be near, might be not. But still.. He's coming closer to my heart. Allah maha mengetahui =) Whoever you are.. I will make you happy like how you will make me happy, InsyaAllah =)

:)

2010-12-28T01:56:00.000-08:00

Hello
And the artistic side of mine is alive! I painted yesterday.. Had a hard time deciding what to paint, so balik balik trial and error.. Until I finally decided to have a tree as the object of my painting. So~

Amateur

I just played around with colours and simply paint. I haven't painted for so~ long and finally, yesterday barutah. Obviously, I don't own the hands of an artist like Rembrandt. I so want to do oil painting on a piece of canvas situated on an easel en plein air.. And do a nice oil painting. I really like oil paintings D: But I doubt I will ever do it.

The thing that triggers my artistic side is the story "Leda and the swan" and I knew about this is from The Swan Thieves. Which balum siap berbaca by the way.. Kan buka sekulah :s Anyway.. The story is about a woman of the Greek mythology called Leda who was visited by Zeus in the form of a swan. And Zeus did not just simply visited her. He ravished her.. D: The story totally changed my view about Zeus man.. If you google the images of Leda and The Swan, it will always be photos of a naked woman with a huge swan. Either laying down next to it, caressing it erotically or more bari gali, copulating with the huge swan. Ewww eww ewww ewww! Sama animal jua lah! D: It is always weird looking at the images. Making love with a bird, eww!

I have no idea when and what to paint. School will reopen very soon and I have to say, I am very much unprepared academically. :S This afternoon, I had my first driving session after being legal on the road. I drove from home to PJN then to SMSA, then to PJN then SMSA, then to Soon Lee. Masih takut takut sikit. Damn -_- Also.. I've been giving Mouse Hunt a try after kana dragged by two friends. It's quite nice actually.. I still haven't reached the obsession point yet and I do hope I won't T_T

:')

2010-12-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

First of all, I have to apologize for the bad words that I will type (as always..) and repetition of the same phrases and words.. Because...
I am hyper as fuck.
Because...
I just had my driving test this morning.
And..
I passed.
I fucking passes.
I seriously can't believe it.

This morning, I came to JPD with a baju kurung that has been in the closet for a long time and a tudung with an-almost matching colour, but as for the footwear, I wore my black Adidas shoes that I always use for school. Looks funny kaliah.. Given the choice, of course I will wear my flats because it will look more nicer and ngam with the baju kurung but I've been using the Adidas shoes a lot and been getting used to it for driving. Apa buleh buat.. Pakai saja lah.

And I was the only one who was taking the test with baju kurung. Hehehe. I am fine with it except that the sleeve pernah terstuck arah the gear once. Damn..

Anyway, I have to say, I was fucking nervous. Like.. So nervous lah! Nampak bah that I was nervous. My parking pun macam not so good, pasal nervous, and arah jalan raya was wayy~ better than parking. But also not perfect la. Sampai the pegawai also said "Jangan begagas, relax" Exactly what my driving instructor told me. I am always panic bah.. :s Plus, she opened the aircon FULL and that makes the kerita barat nya urang, so mesti inda karit takan minyak. Alhamdulillah lah.. I didn't karit takan minyak jua.

But I passed :') *tears of joy* I am so so so thankful to Allah for letting me pass, and to my parents and best friends who prayed and wished me luck for my test. I am really thankful :') Banar banar thankful :') Alhamdulillah.. I am banar *10^infinity thankful to Allah. :') Banar! Heh macam Zek Kachingzzz~ Oopz~

After sixteen hours of studying, I finally made it. I am so damn thankful! Yeah.. 16 hours.. I am one of those students yang payah di ajar.. After sixteen hours of endurance, I finally made it. :') I had some break down moments in those period of lessons.. Because I was so pessimistic, thinking that I will certainly fail. It's like.. I know exactly how to do it, it's just that I panic a lot that I got so blank. There was one time, I mati engine arah jalan raya basar.. At the roundabout near the Industrial area. I was already driving steadily but then ada ambulance at the back, so I have to move to the side, and when I was about to drive back, I mati engine many many times. Cars were rushing next to me and that got me extra panic.. Sampai my left leg memigang clutch kajar kajar ah.. Once, mati engine also arah jalan raya basar. The car in front of me kan masuk ke simpang tudung saji from the road across the simpang, so I had to wait for the car. Sekali when it was my turn to drive, I mati engine because I released the clutch too early (as usual...)

Come to think of it, my studying session for driving was really... Sigh, dunno how to say lah! I had many breakdowns and felt like giving up many times.. Even my own school studying session pun completely at a halt because I was too occupied with my driving stuff. If I am not having my driving lessons at school, I usually stay home and play the internet but my mind was always about driving. Sampai kan tidur pun terpikir pikir about my driving lessons. Masa mula mula, it was all about parking lah. Sampai kan tidur pun terpikir pikir pasal parking. Then soon after that, driving on the road. Atu pun memang sampai terbawa bawa di tidur.. Sampai payah tidur. And my driving lessons are usually in the morning, so they usually make me moody till the rest of the day. Blergh~

One time, I was like so desperate berabis to improve but I can say I don't know how to. The family's only manual car was not working back then and we had to go to Tutong (because my family banyaknya di Tutong. Even family di Belait pun balik Tutong) and they have manual cars. So off me and my dad went to Tutong, borrowed my late uncle's manual car and drove around the kampung area. Mula mula, the driving sesh was tiring lah. Because we drove under the VERY hot sun. It was in the afternoon lagi, like 2? Angin nada.. Aircon ge rusak. Drove at Tutong around three times. And all of those led me to becoming tanned D: The part of my hand where I wear my watch is way puteh-er than the rest. I know I look dark now. Balik sekulah nampak ni urang :s

Anyway.. My dad repaired our own manual car some days before my test and yeah, the car worked lah. I drove around the neighbourhood. Pusing sini, pusing sana bla bla. Even drove at the roundabouts. Kana hon around three times. Antamlah kamu~ I was learning how to drive, kamu inda cematu kan dulu? And then I even drove at Jalan Maulana. Kinda risky.. Urang nada lesen drive kerita sendiri arah jalan raya basar. :s And then just yesterday, I realized the white car rusak lagi. Geez, I practiced pakai kerita auto lah saja. Practice pusing steering kemarin. Yeah, I broke the golden rule :s And today I went home and tarus update twitter + blog. A friend of mine congratulated me through twitter and said she knew it from the radio. Memang keraja my parents ni T_T I find it sweet and cute, but malu jua kaliah. Haha

And now, ALHAMDULILLAH! I have passed the stage and will get my REAL lisence tomorrow, InsyaAllah :3 I am so thankful. :') I hope I won't have to drive a manual car again. Geez :s Maybe I will.. Someday, when I teach my kids, hoho :p Or my friends kah.. But yeah, inda mau manual for the time being please.. I love auto cars. And I talked to some friends and met a new friend before the test. Nice people ^^

I was told by my driving instructor to drive dengan penuh iman and by the pegawai to driver berhati hati. yes, I will ^^ You think I have the guts to drive really fast kah T_T
Lastly, ALHAMDULILLAH! Thank You Allah, the One and Only God :')

Hummm

2010-12-26T00:45:00.000-08:00

Hello
I finally finished watching this Korean drama DVD that I bought 2 months ago. It's called The Surgeon Bong Dal Hee and yeah.. Obviously, it's about medicine + a few dramas in life. The reason why I bought is pretty much obvious, right? Heh :3 Anyway, the drama is quite old.. 3 years back to be exact. And the drama is awesome :D Because it's about medicine and a LOT of cardio surgeries. Not only that, the male doctors are mostly unbelievably good looking. So unreal. I hardly see any good looking doctors in real life. I only them in dramas.. this one and Grey's. This drama.. Sigh, not only they are damn good looking, they are also smart and cool. Sigh. So unreal. The hospital where they shoot the drama was pretty too. Not merijap at all. So bright and gelapnya pun inda macam berhantu usulnya. Overall, nice lah! I know I am that ketinggalan.. Liat drama yang three years ago.. Owell~~ In a way, that's me ^^ Sabar sha~

Tomorrow is the day...

Can't think of a good title

2010-12-24T19:46:00.000-08:00

Hello
Alhamdulillah :)

I don't know if I will be here on the 31st so no super long entry that will reminisce 2010. Maybe I'll do it on the 1st Jan. And inda batah atu, buka sekulah O.O I am not ready yet. And I am still wondering whether to get the new profile for Facebook or not. The new profile looks nice but seems crowded also. And I am so so in love with TOP & GD's song High High. So damn catchy and addictive in an unreasoble way, hehe.

*shudders*

Tell me you got kambang bulu when looking at this. Because I certainly am.

I don't know what's the medical condition of the above photo ; there's no indication at all..

Geez.

*kambang bulu like shit*

Mau! The little bunnies are so cute :3

What's visible:

Yours truly with a huge bunny doll bag.

A bunny sticker on the almari hehe

My unread novels stacked on each other. That's just one part.

Green tea :3
Is this the first photo of me here? I think so.. Malas kan check history.

I'm becoming an active blog updater.. Hehe

Dududu

2010-12-24T02:40:00.000-08:00

Hello.

Went to Bandar yesterday and missed the Xmas party which I really looked forward too. I didn't even shop much despite the fact that I was given some cash.

Hmm. Came across something similar on Facebook a few weeks ago and Twitter a few days ago. Phew~ You sure can see how someone really is in social networks, most of the time. As for me.. I don't really know. Really. I am quite reserved but at times, I speak out what's on my mind. So.. *shrugs*

I bought paint yesterday. I will be reviving my artistic side soon.. When everything's over. I really do miss drawing, thanks to The Swan Thieves, which is very much untouched right now. As a child, I drew a lot. Starting from little objects to some sort of amature comic strips. I haven't drawn for so long.. I wonder if I still can draw well =) And no, it's not manga. I can't draw manga (maybe can if I try harder) but manga is simply none of my interest. I prefer oil painting.. Though I haven't done any on a piece of canvas en plein air :)

Freud, Hall, Jung

Brill, Jones, Ferenczi

I miss reading this one book about them. It's not with me now.

..

2010-12-23T00:49:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I can make it. Most of the time, I feel like I am heading towards the unwanted result. Judging by how I perform... Seems like there's no doubt about that.

Expecting the worst already.

Sniff~

2010-12-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

Baru lapas berapa jam ku update.. Ani update lagi.
Well frankly speaking, I feel guilty though :/ I might delete the post... I might not... I am afraid I will jinx it out. See how superstitious I am..
So I drove around the house for a while.. And then masa kan pusing balik, I saw my dad waiting for me in the car at the end (he's going somewhere) and then he said I am not supposed to go outside the house area. I was near to jalan basar tadi, heh. Rasa jua kan practice atu. But I don't like driving alone using a manual car.
Masa sampai rumah, I thought I lost the house key T_T Atu menangis tua eh. Payah jua seluar yang pocket berlubang ani.

So I am alone in the room. Kan sambung driving tapi nada dangan. Gotta wait loh. Di luar banyak kucing pengsan (sometimes we use this to refer "tidur") and they look so so cute :3
I think one of my cats hates me because I always pinch his double chin. His fault for being cute la~ Gamuk, juling and ada double chin. Can resist meh?

So I shed __millilitres of tears just now because I was stressful pasal hal pagi tadi. Now my eyes are hot T_T But... My mood is still like this -> :(

I have no mood to write on my diary lagi.. For now. Malas malas malas *rolls eyes*

Ooooooo miracle, come to me and make me confident :(

:'(

2010-12-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

The feeling is back again. I though I won't be having it back but meh, I am so damn wrong. Just bear with my ongoing sighs in this post and excessive emo sentences.. T_T
I can't see anything positive in this matter. I really can't. I fully blame myself on this. Majal inda mau pandainya and I really really, blame myself on this. I have to say.. I don't really trust myself. I don't believe in myself that much. Maybe because I get nervous so easily and I panicked so much.. Cemana jua.. Mun sudah nature ku cematu.. Kalau ada some kind of safe sedative that can make me calm, mau pulang ku tu.
I just.. sigh.. I don't know lah. Balik balik sudah ada tears because of this matter. Yeah, I know, I am that emo, ada tears for something sekadar. No, this is not that sekadar to me. I feel so vulnerable.. Always always always ada tears for something sad. Nature, maybe...
Sigh... If I can just get some more motivation.. Maybe it will get better. MAYBE. I can never know.
Geez... I know, my pessimistic behavour and paranoia are at fault.. But.. being optimistic is just so... I don't know, macam not me. The more I hope for something, it seems like the further it is from me. And then macam kana slap hard at the face. T_T
Aku sangal sudah wah kan bad mood ani. Pagi pagi tah lagi. And basically, it spoils the whole day, and it is MY fault. If I can just have a proper talk with someone and cry on that person's shoulder.. But nah.. NADA. I keep so many things to myself. ALWAYS so many things in myself, even my parents. I dunno, I am just that reserved. I can't talk about everything, especially to my parents. So yeah.. I've repressed so many anger, sarcasm, sadness.. And they go out in the form of tears.
Seriously.... I am not confident in myself..
My fault.. I know it is.
Aku lakas nervous wahhhh! YATAH MY MIND JADI BLANK! Shizzz....

:(

Shniff

2010-12-20T20:52:00.000-08:00

CB I am so nervous. And this is freakin unnecessary. T_T
Updated via phone.

=)

2010-12-18T01:28:00.000-08:00

Hello~

I just finished watching a Japanese movie called Tenshi No Koi. I actually bought it randomly because the DVD cover looks so sweet and cute and now baru tah siap liat. It was amazing. I love the movie because it's a sad and sweet love story. Sounds crazy though, 17 year old + 35 year old = love. But if it is love, age is just a number. <- Ubiquitous line but true. Not that I've ever experience it. The movie makes me think about one thing ; love. Sigh, love lagi. Sikit sikit love. Heh. Oh well~

I just realized few days ago that ever since the holiday starts, I haven't gone to any japanese restaurant to hang out. This ain't real.. I do visit small Japanese food stalls like the one at The Mall's food court, but not the restaurant.... yet. I have yet to visit Kaizen restaurant, be it in KB or Seria. Arah The Mall ada lah merasa the food but that's not a restaurant. Waiting for my wallet to be fat with money and someone to go with. Liza is sick -_- And waiting for the time when I'll be free too :3

I am a touchscreen phone user and been using it for almost a year now.... I think. I like my phone so much, but I am beginning to miss the katik katik sound of phone keypads. And I am beginning to miss slide phones too. Sigh, what to do now -_- Macam balik balik sudah terpikir about holding a cute slide cellphone. Sony Ericsson's slide phones are nice. But my phone is still good. Hehe. Entah lah, just a temporary want kali.

And I read something funny too! About a conversation between Afif and Naqibah.
-Three hours later-

I spent an hour on a Korean DVD and then I helped my mum folding our clothes. Anway... Their conversation :
N : EH?!

A: EH?!

N: EH?!!!

A: EH?!!!!!

N: AFIF!!! KAU KAH TU?!

A: AWU, AKU NI!

N: BASAR JUA USULMU, TINGGI. RAMBUT MU PANJANG!

A: KAJAP! AKU LUPA NAMAMU!

LOLOLOLOL!

^^

2010-12-15T21:33:00.000-08:00

Hello.
No driving class today. I don't know when is my next class.
I've been having my own driving practice using my late uncle's manual car. I drove under the freaking hot sun, with no aircon, and now, I am tanned. D: I feel so fugly than ever! :( I don't want to look ugly for the xmas party and school! Geez~

I've been cleaning my room yesterday and today but it's still not that clean to me. There's just too many things in this room -_- I cleaned my closet yesterday and discovered some forgotten clothes and unwashed socks, haha :p

2 more weeks till school starts. I am very not ready. D: I know there will be a love-hate relationship between me and school next year, what with all the stress I will surely face for neverending tests and exams. :/

.. I really miss shopping.....

:/

2010-12-12T05:39:00.000-08:00

There's no one to pray to, other than God. Sigh sigh sigh........ He sees everything and He decides everything. I pray for the strength to go through my days and endure everything. InsyaAllah... Amin =)

Be thankful for the littlest things in life. Remember Him all the time, not just in times of despair. He listens. He forgives. =)

:3

2010-12-11T20:18:00.000-08:00

Hello! Here's for you *points middle finger* for... giving me hope again. Macam kan main main with my feelings saja. Wa-ev.
I contradict my words quite a lot.. I know. It can't be helped sometimes..

I thank God for making this the second day I wake up late. Yesterday nada driving class :3 And I am beginning to dislike today because tomorrow is Monday. Pebaik ani cuti, I still have to wake up early and learn how to drive.

This morning, I spent my time cleaning the kitchen with my mother and brother. Not exactly what I want and like to do but it's better than.. Heh. I don't think it's finished though, maybe later sambung lagi. Geeez~

I haven't finished my novel yet...

Bored..

:'(

2010-12-10T03:06:00.000-08:00

God knows how I want to rant incessantly about so many things that has been bothering me, but I am afraid that it'll jinx out. Yeah, see, I am paranoid again. I guess paranoia has always been a part of me. It's both good and bad if you think hard. Obviously, it's quite obvious why?
Maybe I will just filter out some of my rants and make them sound a bit more positive.
I've been pretty much unhappy ever since the holidays starts, usually in the morning, but gets better as the day ends. Sometimes it didn't and I stayed sulking until it's time for bed. Yeah, emo D:

*trying not to talk so much about love life in this blog*
Unless... I can't help it. Huee~

One friend just told me to not give a fuck. Another friend told me to imagine there's no one around to make me less panic. Sigh.. If I am not paranoid enough, I will do them. It seems like I need some kind of safe sedative, that can make me calm and aware of the surroundings well. If only that is possible. Aiya.

Let's talk about some less serious stuff, shall we...?
I am currently reading a book written by Elizabeth Kostova called The Swan Thieves. I am not done with it. In fact, I can't seem to find the mood to read it back. Okay.. Let's not go back to that. Anyway, so far, the book is amazing, as I expected. Kostova's first book was so great, I have no doubt that this one will be the same. The books are not related by the way. The first one was about Dracula and this one is about the French Impressionism. Impressionism is a style of painting way back in the old times, perhaps in the 17th Century? I can't seem to recall. So far, I've been learning quite a lot about paintings. Arts are not my type but reading this book makes me want to paint. But I didn't. Keke.

I really want to learn how to knit. I promised myself to start learning after my A levels. Now cannot la. So many things unsettled yet.... When I can knit, then it will be easier for me to make some cute stuff for people I love! =) And it can be useful once I get married, ekekeke~ InsyaAllah :3 -in a way.. Can't wait... HEHEHEH shh~-

You know what.. Here's a hint. I think I will make a super long post at the end of this month, reminiscing whatever happened this year. Hehe~ Will include some details of things I never mentioned online before :3

Annyeong~

~

2010-12-08T23:03:00.000-08:00

Hello.

I am having one of those days when little things can make my upset for the whole day. It's like.. Well, imagine there's a big event happening just now and one tiny mistake happened. One tiny mistake that will only affect nearby people and not everyone. And that tiny mistake affects the maker so bad. Yeah, that's how I am feeling. Quite small but makes me tearful. Sigh. I was moodless after that, nothing seems to make me smile even food. Kan sulking saja. Browsed some things on Tumblr that might make me happy and yeah, found them =)

"The prophet Muhammad said "When a husband and wife look at each other with love, Allah looks at both of them with mercy" (Sahih Bukhari 6:19 Tirmidhi 14:79)"

Korean Muslims praying
It's sad to see old people cry...
:') So touched with this photo

Chinese Muslims in China.

This is so pretty :')

They read the Qur'an like story books =') What a blessing

A masjid next to a church in Beirut, Lebanon =)

Preparing food for fast breaking.

Men reading Qur'an when they have nothing to do =')

Islam is beautiful =')

Allah is always there with you.

He is always near you. Way closer than how close your jugular veins are to yourself.

Alhamdulillah..

Allah is one of the main reasons why I want to carry on with my life.

Sniff

2010-12-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

Hello hello.
Maal Hijrah =)
Went to kampung yesterday after two months of not going there. Gosh, how I miss kampung and my grandparents =)
I finally cleaned my room today, albeit not thoroughly.. At least inda jua samak usulnya.
Spent the day with reading, and now playing the internet and next is maybe do my biology U2 notes.

What cocaine can do to your eyes

What the world will be like for a person with migraine.

I think I experienced this before, but with no extreme headache. Just a weak dizziness.

I don't think I've got a migraine before. O.O

:(

2010-12-05T01:57:00.000-08:00

I feel as if God is punishing me over the bad things I have done in the past. Truth to be told, I am not really a nice person. I made promises but did not make them true. You know, like those little silly promises with your old flames, saying that you will always love him lah apa lah, and end up not doing so. In a way, I was lying. Lying is sinful. And now I feel as if God is punishing me for that. Something happened today. Something not really that serious but I find it really.. bad. I get blamed a lot. I felt really guilty because I thought it is my fault. Maybe it really is my fault. I don't know. I really don't know. Maybe it is my fault, maybe it is not. Maybe it is just a mere coincidence and I overthink it and started to think that God is punishing me for all my sins back then. Maybe. I don't know. Seriously, I am clueless. I was so happy once I left OBBD because I become more and more optimistic. But seems like it is beginning to drain away from me. I sense my paranoia coming back and now I am totally heart broken which will lead me to pessismism. Maybe I take things too seriously.. But being carefree is really not me. Now that I have my stressful driving classes, I don't know if I want to face the days to come. I need the strength to go through my days. I am afraid if I will lose my patience in driving class. Especially when driving in the middle of the road. Ya Allah.. I know I am not the best of Your servants.. And I asked too many things... I know You understand me.. I know You are testing me.. Strength.. I need it, so much :(

:)

2010-12-03T20:23:00.000-08:00

Favourite place in the world ; the beach.

3rd driving class today and I was given a surprise by my teacher. Instead of doing the usual parking routine, she told me to drive at the road. I freaking drove there and belajar roundabouts. Still an inept in driving but slowly improving, Alhamdulillah. Mudahan jua kana kurniakan kesabaran yang kuat dan pemahaman yang cepat, amin ya rabbal alamin. Obviously, I was so nervous when doing them, what with all my lupa-liat-ceramin, lupa-tukar-speed, malar-takan-clutch, lupa-tutup-signal etc. I really have to practice lah :( Kerita kerita! I need a manual car! Our family's only manual car inda mau bejalan. Have I mentioned that? I think I do. Anyway, my dad came earlier than usual to pick me up.. and took a photo of me driving. -_- At least ada jua kenangan kan? Kekeke. Went to Ideal after that with a good mood. I think that was because I was a tad bit optimistic during lesson. Gah. Hopefully the future lessons will be OK. *wink*

The book that I am currently reading is so far away from me, stopped halfway. I need to find back the mood to read. My maths homework and revision is still undone, my bio notes way beyond finished. I am dehydrated nowadays.. and I cannot stop eating :( Isuk ke Bandar and karang ada party. Yay, but I need my mum's approval about the part-e. I'll let my dad do that for me... Hehe~

K K K K K bye~